What I Really Mean When I Say “Positive”

We hear it everywhere.“Think positive.”“Stay positive.”“Look on the bright side.”

And yet, for a word that’s used so often, positivity is rarely understood in its full depth.

For many, it evokes superficial optimism or an attempt to avoid discomfort. A filter through which we force ourselves—and others—to smile, cope, keep going. Something light and effortless. But in truth, what I understand by positivity is something far more grounded. And far more powerful.

A positive life is not a life without pain.

We don’t get to opt out of life’s difficult moments. Grief, disappointment, uncertainty, conflict—none of these are optional. They’re part of being human.

But what is optional is the way we relate to these moments. How we meet them. Whether we collapse into them—or expand through them.

Positivity, in the way I live and teach it, is not a denial of what’s hard. It’s not about pushing something aside or replacing sadness with a smile. It’s about choosing a way of being that allows you to move through reality—as it is—with clarity, presence, and strength.

It’s not about being cheerful. It’s about being deeply honest. And choosing, despite everything, to stay connected to possibility.

The mistake we often make

There’s a misconception that positive people are those who "don’t let things get to them." That they’re somehow immune to frustration, doubt, or fear. That they "think happy thoughts" and stay unaffected. The opposite is true.

What I’ve observed—in myself, in my clients and in leaders I admire—is that those who live with a deeply positive attitude are not less emotional. They’re simply more capable of holding complexity.

They can feel the weight of loss and continue creating meaning. They can acknowledge fear and keep moving forward. They can sit with uncertainty without losing their inner compass.

This ability doesn’t come from denying pain—it comes from integrating it. And this is something, you can learn too.

The unexpected doorway

There’s something almost paradoxical about real positivity: The more willing you are to face what’s uncomfortable, the more capacity you develop to grow. That growth might not be loud or dramatic. Often, it’s quiet. It shows up as resilience. As clarity. As a deeper trust in yourself and the process.

In that sense, positivity is not something we "have" or "don’t have."It’s something we practice. It’s a stance. A cultivated way of engaging with life.Not always easy—but profoundly liberating. And most of all: it’s available to all of us.

Not a shortcut, but a compass

What I teach—especially in (self)leadership contexts—is not emotional bypassing or shallow optimism. I work with people who have a lot on their plate: responsibilities, expectations, teams, families, inner doubts. They don’t need one more “just think positive” slogan.

What they need—and what I offer—is a new way to orient themselves. A clear inner framework that doesn’t collapse under pressure. A sense of emotional integrity that allows them to name what’s real and still choose action. Because positivity, when understood correctly, is not a fragile glow that disappears in the dark. It’s a fire you tend to—especially when it’s cold.

Living from this space

There’s nothing passive about this approach. It requires reflection. Discernment. Presence.

But over time, it shifts something fundamental.

You stop reacting—and start responding. You stop outsourcing your emotional state—and start leading from within. And in doing so, you not only navigate challenges more effectively—you naturally create spaces where others can grow too.

That, to me, is the real power of positivity. Not a mood. Not a mask. But a deeply human capacity to meet life with openness, clarity, and courage.

And from there, to shape it—again and again.

May your next step come from insight - not pressure.

-Lisa